never play flip cup with pint glasses
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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