Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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