Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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