So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
