my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
