They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
