remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
