My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize