All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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