i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
