Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
