Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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