Plan B is the new Plan A
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
