My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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