is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize