Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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