i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
