you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
