its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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