I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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