I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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