The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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