I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
