I saw his package. It spoke to me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
