my mouth tastes like poor choices
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
