Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
