I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
