just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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