you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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