I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
