We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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