what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
