she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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