I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
