my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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