O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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