I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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