I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Come see our sink grown plant.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
