Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
