I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
