It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize