tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
