Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
