We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
two words...techno handjob
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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