I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
