You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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