i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Randomize
