Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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