i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
