dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
