Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
