i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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