Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
