I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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