God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
