Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
