i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
