I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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