I got chris browned last night
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
