I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
