I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
NoShamevember. You game?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
