I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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