So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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