You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
