he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize