Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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