If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
