Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
