I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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