She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
