alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
