If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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