You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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