I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
