loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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