Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
