I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
