I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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