He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
