I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
