Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
