There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
