Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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