shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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