Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
