You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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