I skipped work to stalk him.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
