my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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