I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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