We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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