I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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