She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
There was a lot of him and a little penis
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I enjoy the company of your penis
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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