so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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