suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
