Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
