Swine flu is the new snow day.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
