There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize