I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
