Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
